Squirtle Myrtle

Recognized by HELPO, Hydro Electric Light & Power Organization, as the world’s most controlled and powerful shooter.

Squirtle Myrtle earns her living as firefighter chief and tests pressure and containment vessels in China, where most large-scale water energy projects exist.

When preparing to douse an inferno, Myrtle gyrates her hips, rubs her eyes to initiate her vaginal siren, and gushes with the intensity of a thousand hydrants.

“SHOOO-OOO-OOO-OOOT!”

Myrtle is the undefeated champion at water balloon fairs. She donates all of her soaked plush toy winnings to parched needy children.